I began having vivid dreams each night of places and people I didn’t recognize. On some nights, the dreams were full of colourful trees and strange creatures unlike any I’d seen in real life. They made no sense to me, so I attributed this unusual phenomenon to the stress I was experiencing in my waking hours.
Then I met Jackie Walker.
After teaching a (spiritual) class one morning, I walked to the front of the studio and saw a woman I hadn’t met before. Of medium height, slim and dark-haired, she was standing by a little shelf in the reception area where I’d stacked an assortment of books for sale. I immediately noticed the book she was reading: Ruth Montgomery’s A Search for the Truth. It was one of my earliest inspirations.
With the words closely crammed into its pages, the book looked unappealing. That was probably the reason I’d failed, despite my frequent attempts, to get my students to read it. Seeing she had picked up that book, I felt an immediate warmth toward her.
One of the ladies from my class greeted the woman. As I approached them, the woman from my class addressed me.
“Ramaa, I want to introduce you to my friend, Jackie Walker. You’d be so interested in her work.” She started to rave about Jackie’s talents as a tarot card reader and dream interpreter. Given my recent dreams, I was intrigued.
“Dream interpretation? That’s interesting. I’ve been dreaming a lot lately, but I thought it was just my mind on overdrive,” I said, half joking.
“It’s more than that,” Jackie said. “It’s your mind giving you messages from your unconscious.”
“I see … I guess some dreams are messages, but mine just make no sense,” I replied.
“Every dream is a message,” Jackie corrected. “Some are just more clear-cut than others. That is why they need interpretation.”
I wanted to know more and realized the subject called for a longer conversation, so I decided to make an appointment to meet with her privately.
A “big dream”
Eager to share some of my recent dreams, I couldn’t wait for my meeting with Jackie. But the night before the appointment, I had a dream so powerful that all the others faded into the background.
In my dream, I saw myself descending in an elevator on top of a hill. I was draped in a white sari, and along with me was a little girl, about five years old, wearing a red dress (a frock, as we called it in the old days in India).
We stepped off the elevator to find ourselves at the top of a long flight of stairs winding down the hill. I turned my back to the stairs and sat at the top, reading a financial weekly, while the little girl continued down the stairs. Very soon, I heard her loud cries. Looking over my shoulder and seeing that she’d fallen, I tossed the magazine aside and rushed to her.
Getting on my knees at eye level with her, I gathered her into a close embrace. The moment we connected, my heart filled with love and joy in a way I’d never experienced in my waking hours. Then the dream ended.
I woke up, my heart racing, my face wet with tears. It was still too early to get up, but I couldn’t fall back asleep. The exhilaration from my dream left my heart aglow even as the tremendous sadness of the wounded girl cast a shadow. A bright, surreal light had surrounded the entire dream.
Delving into dream interpretation in the coming years, I came to know this as a “big dream.” And I learned that there is a word for the energy around it—numinosity. It’s derived from the Latin word numen, which means “something filled with a sense of a mysterious presence or divinity.”
But that morning, all I knew was the emotional state the dream had left me in, with waves of joy and sadness rising up from time to time. Even more eager to meet with Jackie now, I wondered who the girl was and tried to remember if I’d known her from my life in the U.S. or earlier in India.
Dreams and the inner child
Finally, I arrived at Jackie’s apartment. We sat down, and I shared my dream. Jackie wanted me to describe every detail as she listened quietly and took notes. Then it was her turn to speak.
“Dreams are messages from our unconscious,” she reminded me. “We all have parts of our life that we’re unaware of. Dreams seek to correct that and give us clues that can help us with the situations we’re struggling with in our waking world.”
“I’ve been practicing self-awareness for years now. How could I be unaware?” I wondered aloud, thinking back to the practice of mindfulness that I’d woven into my everyday activities.
“You’re no doubt aware of many things, but not everything,” Jackie explained. “As humans, we’re conditioned early on in life to pay attention selectively. Some of us may focus on work, some of us on beauty or perfection, and so on. Whatever we fail to pay attention to recedes into the unconscious and causes problems in our lives. Dreams reveal what they are.”
“Like a side mirror that shows us what’s not in front of us?” I asked.
“Yes, you could say that,” Jackie said as she built on the analogy. “And just as those side mirrors can prevent accidents, analyzing your dreams can help you avoid difficult situations in your life.”
I nodded, trying to understand what she was telling me, and looked around the room. One wall was covered with shelves thickly packed with books. Jackie had decorated the room with colourful images of angels and gorgeous gemstones.
She went on to analyze my dream.
“First off, all the characters in a dream are aspects of one’s own self. While you identify with the woman in the sari, that girl in red is also you. The woman represents the adult you are, while the child is your younger, playful self.”
This was fascinating to me because I’d thought we grow up and leave our younger selves behind. That a younger version of me still lived within was news to me. Taking it all in, I imagined life unfolding like a movie, with the scenes and actors changing but leaving behind the old reels of memory intact.
As we continued, Jackie explained that the dream revealed how my adult self and my inner child had begun our journey together. But somewhere along the way, I’d let go of her and turned my attention to whatever it was I was reading.
“I was reading a financial magazine, but I never read them in reality. For that matter, I seldom wear a sari these days,” I offered.
“Dreams aren’t to be interpreted literally. You need to see them with a metaphoric lens.” Seeing my puzzled expression, Jackie continued. “The details in your dream are symbols and need to be understood as such. For example, your dream could be saying that you ignored the child in you because you were focused on your financial concerns. The sari may represent traditional values that you’re wrapped up in. Does that ring true?”
“Wow, that’s brilliant, and yes, it does ring true!” I said. “These past months since starting my studio have been rough. I’ve been trying to pay my rent and make ends meet without asking my husband for help. A lot has been going on within my family as well, and I’ve been busy juggling many balls.”
“When you reunite with your inner child, you’ll find great joy, and that will help you handle the outer challenges of your life with fortitude.”
“I understand. And the one you dropped was that little girl who has been hurt and is now crying to get your attention.”
“Are you saying it is the pain of my younger self that has been tugging at me these past months, and not the other unfortunate events of my life?” I asked.
She paused thoughtfully before replying.
“I’d say that all the problems in your life are causing some unhappiness, for sure, but the added intensity of your emotions is owing to the wounds of your inner child. Dreams reveal the reasons for the sadness that you’re not in touch with. The good news is that the same dream is also offering you a way out of the pain. When you reunite with your inner child, you’ll find great joy, and that will help you handle the outer challenges of your life with fortitude.”
Her words brought to mind my spiritual teacher Guruji’s advice once more, and I made a note to reflect later on how it might be connected to my dream. Right now, Jackie was pulling a book from her vast library. I listened, hanging on every word as she read to me about the vulnerable inner child being a powerful energy within us that draws in the people and events needed to heal its wounds.
I was wide-eyed with wonder as a thought suddenly occurred to me.
“Jackie!” I exclaimed. “Meeting you at my studio was no accident. You were part of my inner child’s plan!”
“Definitely,” she said. “Things do unfold in accordance with a deeper plan. And there could be many more people coming your way, so keep your eyes open.”
Her assurance lifted my spirits. Just as Jackie had walked into my life with all this wisdom, others would help show me the way. I felt a wave of relief that I wouldn’t be left alone to figure out how to heal my hidden wounds.
As our appointment came to an end, Jackie asked me to continue revisiting the dream and journal about it.
“Dreams have hidden layers of meaning,” she said. “You need to revisit it often and look at it from many angles. Remember, every detail is a piece of the puzzle. And only you know how it fits in.”
She suggested I keep a dream journal and track my dreams, even if it meant waking up at night to do so. I promised I’d do my best, then prepared to leave. At the door, I gave her a big hug and thanked her profusely.
“Do come back if you have more dreams you need to work through” were her parting words.
Growing up
Leaving, I knew there was a lot to unpack. This felt big. What do I need to do? I wondered. Do I call and speak to Mother? Or ask Usha for next steps?
Raised as the youngest child, I’d always needed the validation of those older in the family, particularly Mother and Usha. Although a wife and a mother myself, I still relied on them for guidance and direction when it came to important decisions. In fact, one of my recent frustrations had been their inability to help me.
I checked the clock to see what time it was in India. Then my mind turned to Guruji’s words. He had said this was my journey, that I had to find meaning and grow through it all. That advice was making more sense to me now. Perhaps the dream and its message were my opportunity to finally grow up.
The rest of the day went by with my usual chores and responsibilities. As I settled in for the night, my mind was still buzzing with thoughts and questions from my time with Jackie.
Does everyone have an inner child, and are they all connected to theirs? When did I part from mine? And why did my adult self, who has overcome many challenges and helped so many others, turn her back on the child within? What does it mean to “go down and embrace” her?
I didn’t have the answers to my questions, but the delicious feeling from my dream still burned brightly and lit up my heart. That was enough for now.
3 reflections for your dream journal
- Dreams are a great resource for revealing our blind spots. Consider maintaining a dream journal by your bedside.
- Before turning in for the day, let go of your worries and ask your subconscious mind to show you the way out through your dreams. If you have a dream that feels significant, note it in your dream journal and use Jackie’s advice to decode the message. Be patient as you do this each night. It may take a few days or weeks for the dream to show up. Keep an eye out for themes.
- Is there some aspect of your life that you’ve repressed or denied?
Ramaa Krishnan is the author of The Yoga of Self-Love: The Sacred Path to Wholeness and Healing through Inner-Child Work. Born and raised in India, Ramaa grew up with a spiritual view of the world and her role in it. Her life was dedicated to the study and sharing of meditation and mindfulness teachings until she reached a point in her own life that challenged her beliefs, compelling her to dig deeper and reflect on what it meant to truly live the faith beyond practices and traditions. She has been sharing these empowering insights through her classes and one-on-one work, both in-person and online. Read more about Ramaa Krishnan at fullbloomedlotus.com.
Excerpted from the book The Yoga of Self-Love: The Sacred Path to Wholeness and Healing through Inner-Child Work, by Ramaa Krishnan and printed with permission from The Full Bloomed Lotus Center for Self-Awareness.
images: Depositphotos