In 2021, for Día de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead), I visited a cemetery in Mexico. The gate of the cemetery was adorned with the following phrase: Polvo eres y a ser polvo tornará, which translates to, “Dust you are and to dust you will return.”
All of us will eventually disintegrate into dust, and our lives will have been just a blip in this universal timeline. Think about the dinosaurs—they roamed Earth for 165 million years, yet in the span of 4.5 billion years, the age of Earth, their existence was but a blip.
If we live to be 80, our existence will have been but a speck of theirs. Life is short in the grand scheme of things. Let’s spend less time worrying and more time living—living in the present moment. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, and all we have is now; this very moment in time. A moment that we’ll never get back and a moment that is different from any other moment that we’ve ever had and ever will have.
How do you want to spend the little moments that make up your life? What would you do if you had 24 hours left to live?
Take a moment to reflect on this.
Here’s what I’ve heard from other people:
- That question stopped me in my tracks. My first thoughts were, ‘Well, not what I’m doing right now.’”
- “This question made me sad after I thought of my answer.”
- “I would hug my son and husband nonstop and tell them how much I love them.”
- “This gives me immediate anxiety, but it’s a nice reminder to carpe diem!”
- “Say goodbye to my most important peeps and eat warm chocolate chip cookies while looking at the ocean and strolling through an ancient redwood forest. I wouldn’t worry about a thing.”
- “I would invite everyone I could to the beach, huddle around the bonfire and say what needs to be said. Hug, laugh and eat all my favourite things.”
- “I’ve considered this plenty of times before. Spend the day with my family. Spending quality time with those you love is what really matters in life.”
There are common threads here. Many people talk about wanting to spend time with their loved ones and doing the things they enjoy. It’s the simple things in life that bring us joy, yet most of us spend our days (and our days make up our lives) either worrying about things that ultimately have little consequence at the end of the line or chasing things that we think will bring us happiness—money, status, promotions—none of which were provided as responses to my question.
I, myself, have reflected on this question, and here’s what I’ve gathered:
I would prioritize forgiveness and let go of things that no longer serve me.
If I had 24 hours, would I spend it holding on to grudges because someone wronged me in the past? Would I spend it regretting a mistake I made? The answer to both questions is no.
We don’t know when we’re going to die. I hope I never reach a place where I leave this world holding grudges, whether it’s against other people or myself. Forgiveness may not happen overnight, but we all have to start somewhere. Why not start now?
I would live more fearlessly
It’s easy to put things off when we’re afraid and when we think we have time. “Well, if it doesn’t happen today, it’ll happen tomorrow.”
Would you put things off if you knew you had 24 hours? Recognizing my mortality helps me put things into perspective. Things that may seem scary don’t seem so scary after all because I’d much rather have tried than regret and wonder what could’ve been.
I’d focus on what is—right here, right now
Most of us walk around clouded by our own thoughts—ruminating about the past, which we can’t change, or worrying about the future, coming up with worst-case scenarios that are mere figments of our imagination.
When I’m reminded of my mortality, everything that’s happened in the past no longer matters, and everything in the future doesn’t matter either because it becomes more evident that all I really have is now.
To approach the topic of death from a different perspective, here are the top five regrets of the dying and what we can do to avoid them.
The top five regrets of the dying
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
If you do what’s easy by conforming to what others expect of you, life will be hard because you’re not being true to yourself. If you do what’s hard by being authentic to your true self, despite what others say, life will be easy because you get to live life on your own terms.
Do what’s hard — quit the job you hate, love the person you want to love, say no to what doesn’t light you up.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
Determine and set boundaries when it comes to work. For example: You don’t have to be tethered to your work email. It’s a choice — learn to choose differently. And if your boss doesn’t understand, maybe it’s time to get another job.
The time you would’ve spent incessantly checking your email, fretting over that client and their demands? Spend it with loved ones instead. Spend it pursuing your hobbies. Spend it creating memories that’ll last you a lifetime.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
It can be challenging to express how we truly feel at times, especially when doing so exposes our vulnerability and we’re not certain how the other party will respond.
However, if we keep our feelings to ourselves, we deny the other party the opportunity to pleasantly surprise us, which also means that we deny ourselves the opportunity to receive. We start living under the assumption that sharing our feelings will lead to unwanted outcomes, which will ultimately prevent us from expressing ourselves and living authentically.
Share how you feel. How someone responds is on them; it’s not on you.
I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends
Simply put, make time for the people who matter to you. Recently, I had an hour-long chat with a friend whom I only see once every year. Yet, each time we chat, we can pick up right where we left off. This is because we make time for each other. Put in the work in your relationships, and your relationships will work for you.
I wish that I’d let myself be happier
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you’ll be happy when you get that promotion or marry the love of your life. Remember that you can choose to be happy, right here, right now. Give yourself permission to be happy from within, not only when certain conditions in your life are met.
May your mortality remind you of both the fragility and beauty of life.
Angela Choi is a coach and writer who believes deeply in the power of mindfulness and self-love. Originally from New York City, she’s slowly making her way around the world. Outside of work, she loves attending kirtans, hiking, engaging in deep conversations and discovering new eateries. Angela graduated from Yale with a degree in psychology. To connect and learn more, visit angelachoi.co.
Excerpted from the book 10 Life Lessons in 10 Years: The Things I Didn’t Learn at Yale but Wish I Had. ©2023 by Angela Choi. Printed with permission from Angela Choi.
images: Depositphotos