When we move in harmony with our true design, we experience comfort, but when we believe things about our bodies that aren’t true, we experience discomfort. Many false ideas and concepts about our bodies are foisted on us by the fashion and cosmetic industries.
Bears don’t look in the mirror, and they don’t worry about being fashionable. They just move naturally in accordance with their design. Our “civilized” customs and concerns about our appearance prevent us from moving naturally and freely. Many of us have been bamboozled by the fashion industry into identifying so much with our appearance that we lose touch with our actual body, with its true design, and therefore with our true nature. As Virginia Woolf observed, “The eyes of others are our prisons; their thoughts our cages.”
We’re all affected by what we call the cosmetic self. Cosmetic means “affecting only the appearance of something rather than its substance.” The cosmetic self is concerned with the body primarily in terms of its appearance to others. It’s our superficial body, the one we try to make look good when we look in the mirror. In moderation, attending to how we look is healthy and can contribute to our well-being. The problem arises when preoccupation with our cosmetic self interferes with the comfortable occupation of our real, biological body.
The cover of almost every women’s magazine highlights at least one physical flaw (usually abs, buttocks or breasts), one technique for being better in bed (drive him wild, make him your slave), and features a model or celebrity with perfect hair, makeup and cleavage. The cover of most men’s magazines also highlights at least one body flaw (usually abs, biceps, AKA “guns,” or pecs), and one deficit in sexual performance, while featuring a “shredded” model or celebrity with six-pack abs.
One popular men’s magazine recently led with the cover story “Last Longer in Bed” in one issue and with “The Art of the Quickie” in the next. All this is done to stir feelings of insecurity and unlovability and to sell something that will solve our imaginary problems.
The cosmetic self can also extend beyond the body. We may project it onto our car, our big house or our manicured lawn. All the stuff we can buy, like clothes, watches, perfumes/colognes, shoes, jewellery, makeup and hairstyles, can all become part of our cosmetic self. Beautiful cars, spacious houses and stylish shoes can all contribute to a good life. The problem stems from overidentifying with these things.
Feelings of inadequacy, and sometimes dysmorphia, arise when we compare ourselves to the airbrushed, photoshopped, idealized illusory images of what we’re supposed to look like, or the things we’re supposed to have, that media bombard us with from all sides.
Comfort over consumerism?
This addiction to the superficial is driven by consumerism—“the social and economic order that encourages the acquisition of goods and services in ever-increasing amounts.” The cosmetic self is a symptom of consumerism gone mad. In 1928 columnist Robert Quillen defined the uniquely American expression as “using money you haven’t earned to buy things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.”
The good news is that the trend in the post-pandemic fashion world is towards a much greater emphasis on comfort. A recent article in Forbes reported that more than 80 percent of people surveyed stated that comfort was more important than style, status or cost in choosing their clothing.
Fashion executive Sarah Davies told Forbes, “Comfort has become key for people over the past year and people are breaking free from restrictions and the stress of choosing what clothes they feel they should be wearing. This change in fashion goes hand in hand with people investing more time in their own self-care and wellness.”
She added, “Of course, people still want to look well turned out but they have gained confidence to decide on products they feel good in and like wearing. Comfort is the new luxury.”
The article also quoted style coach Loulou Storey, who said, “You can look good but not feel great, however, if you always feel great I believe you will always look good.” She added, “Feeling at peace with our bodies and comfortable in our own skin is key. Our clothes should allow us to move and flow through life with ease, not fight against who we are.”
Even though style is trending in a healthier, more comfortable direction, many of us have internalized the constraints reflected in the heels, ties, corsets and collars of yesteryear. Albert Einstein was notorious for his disregard of the fashion norms of his day. He is said to have quipped, “Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
Walking well: Try this 4-step exercise
When he was at Princeton, Einstein walked approximately 3,000 steps across the campus to his office every day and 3,000 steps back home. He advised his son Eduard, “Make a lot of walks to get healthy.” Einstein nurtured his world-changing ideas through the imagination exercises and thought experiments that he enjoyed during his daily walks.
You can free yourself from unnecessary constraints and make your walking and your life more comfortable with the following playful imagination exercise. Stand up and imagine, as though you’re really doing it, that you’re putting on, in this order:
- Tight shoes and/or high heels
- A girdle/corset and/or a tight belt around your waist
- A shirt that is buttoned way too tight around the chest, neck and wrists
- A tie around your neck that is too tight
- An itchy wool scarf wound tightly around your neck
- A tight ski cap on your head
Take a one-minute walk and feel what it’s like to be constrained by your imaginary garments. Then, as you’re walking:
- Remove the tight shoes and/or high heels, and give yourself a moment to feel the sense of relief and expansion.
- Then take off the tight girdle/corset and/or the tight belt around your waist and give yourself time to sense what happens.
- Unbutton the shirt, undo the tie, and take the shirt and tie off. Give yourself time to sense what happens.
- Unwrap the itchy scarf and remove your tight ski cap and sense what happens.
It’s as though, without knowing it, we’re wearing these tight clothes inside our bodies. The more you practice taking them off, from the bottom up, the freer you’ll become. You may find, as have many of our students, that this imagination exercise is great to do when preparing for a walk, or even while walking.
Here’s what some of our students say after doing this:
“When I released the imaginary corset I felt a liberating sense of being OK with my midsection for the first time in my life.”
“Wow! It’s OK for me to be big, to take space. I feel more powerful.”
“I’ve always felt bad that no matter how much time I spent in the gym, my upper body just wouldn’t conform to the bodybuilder ideal of a ripped and shredded V. This time, as I let go of all the restrictive clothing, the V turned itself upside down, and from the top of my head, down to the ground, I felt like a great pyramid. I felt really strong and regal.”
Experiencing the body in a different way
As we shed these self-imposed constraints, we experience a felt sense of our real, living body. We reconnect with ourselves and with the continual support of the earth. When we stop identifying with our cosmetic self and embrace the truth that we aren’t the same as our appearance, walking gets more comfortable and life gets more joyful.
Instead of worrying about trying to “get in shape,” we begin relaxing into our true shape. Our idea of what it means to be fit, healthy and beautiful changes.
One of our students, a self-described “recovering nervous Nellie,” expressed this discovery as follows:
“As I prepare to go for a walk, I remind myself ‘no girdle, no belt, no shirt, no tie, no scarf, no ski cap.’ And voilà, a big sigh happens every time and now it’s literally easier to breathe. I remember to give my feet permission to come down as they wish, and I release my tendency to brace for impact.
“As I walk, I play with saying peel-peel and paw-paw. I don’t repeat all these all the time but find that each one helps me experience all the others and that when that happens there’s a subtle but mind-blowing shift. Time seems to slow down, and there’s more time for the peels. I’m more and more able to receive support from the earth beneath me, and this makes me feel less nervous. I feel safer and stronger.”
Michael J. Gelb is a pioneer in the fields of creative thinking, executive coaching and innovative leadership. He’s a fifth-degree black belt in aikido and a gifted teacher of tai chi and the Alexander Technique. He’s also a professional juggler who performed with the Rolling Stones. He’s the author of 17 books—including the international bestseller How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci—which have been translated into 25 languages and have sold more than one million copies. More information at GraceofSense.com and WalkingWell.com.
Bruce Fertman brings 60 years of study as a movement artist and educator to his work, having trained in gymnastics, modern dance, ballet, contact improvisation, the Alexander Technique, tai chi chuan, aikido, chanoyu (Japanese tea ceremony), Argentine tango and kyudo (Zen archery). For the past 30 years, Fertman has taught in Europe, Asia and the Americas, helping people experience the interconnectedness of physical and spiritual life. More information at GraceofSense.com and WalkingWell.com.
Excerpted from the book Walking Well: A New Approach for Comfort, Vitality, and Inspiration in Every Step. ©2024 by Michael J. Gelb and Bruce Fertman. Reprinted with permission from New World Library. www.newworldlibrary.com.
images: Depositphotos