The speech anxiety crisis (our speak-down culture) remains relatively hidden.
It doesn’t garner the same attention as more visible, heart-wrenching issues like war, disease, homelessness or famine. Moderate speech anxiety and its extreme cousin, glossophobia, don’t make splashy headlines or capture the public imagination, partly because they’re invisible—in the shadows—and we, as a society, often shrug when someone says, “I don’t have anything to say” or “I’m not getting up to speak. I’m staying right here in my seat.”
Unsurprisingly, of course, a vicious cycle exists: speech anxiety is rarely discussed since most people don’t want to stand up and speak up or else risk being judged by their community, so voices often remain buried and silent.
It’s a silent epidemic that holds millions of people back from personal and professional development and, ultimately, society from being more vibrant, communicative and understanding. According to “The Heard and The Heard-Nots,” a study of over 4,000 employees found that “74% of employees report they are more effective at their job when they feel heard.”
From my many decades of attending various meetings, weddings and special events, I find most people sweat at the thought of speaking in front of others, so they too often choose to hide and not share their opinions and thoughts—I can definitely relate from past experiences. Meanwhile, a minority of people—the natural communicators and leaders—of the population seem to easily take the stage and influence the world with their viewpoints and perspectives.
Consider what we lose as a society with millions (billions really) of people fearfully staying in their shells to avoid the public (speaking) square—a whole heck of a lot! A whole lot of misunderstanding and division. In 2011, a business survey by Fierce found that “86% of employees cite the lack of effective collaboration and communication as the main causes for workplace failures.”
Many valuable viewpoints remain unheard due to a culture of silence among so many spectators, negatively impacting the robustness of a healthy society both at home and in business.
With fewer role models willing to speak up, future generations naturally inherit this silence, believing public speaking should be avoided rather than embraced. This cycle of silence, whether stemming from stage fright or maintaining a “good image” because of group conformity dynamics, prevents families, communities, schools and workplace environments from realizing their full potential.
Is it perhaps that we’ve normalized public speaking anxiety to the point where we accept it as inevitable rather than recognize it as a loss for society?
Even so, I believe our cycle of silence can be broken with awareness, effort and a shared will to better the world.
But how?
We need a cultural shift in how we perceive public speaking—from terrifying to empowering—and this shift starts with each and every one of us. We need to see public speaking not as an object of dread but, I believe, as a vehicle for celebrating ourselves, our friends, our family and a more incredible world we all hope to live in.
At all times, we must encourage everyone to speak up and give speeches. Starting in elementary school, we must prioritize oral communication and presentation skills. And in doing so, we’ll foster deeper personal connections, a stronger sense of community and greater self-esteem in the process.
Here are the roots of our silent society as I see it—
Family values
We often perceive family as a haven where we can express our thoughts and emotions without facing judgment. However, we must ask ourselves: Is this always the case? Or do our familial values and practices inadvertently contribute to the prevalence of those who feel inhibited by speaking in front of an audience?
Consider the classic Sunday dinner table scenario, a supposed arena for open and nurturing dialogue within many families. Yet, in some households, children are told, “Children should be seen, not heard.” This phrase, so casually thrown into conversations, is likely contributing to a culture of silence. I believe it sends a subtle message to the child that their voice is insignificant, their opinions unworthy of being shared. Unwittingly, despite best intentions, families are planting the seeds of speech anxiety in their children’s minds: “It’s best to sit down and remain quiet.”
Alternatively, a household that values active listening and encourages open discussions fosters confidence in children to express their thoughts. On the other hand, a family that suppresses communication and discourages dialogue—like with my parents—could inadvertently instill self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.
Another example lies in the way parents handle disagreements with their children. Some families might opt for a “Because I said so” approach, dismissing any form of counterargument from the child. While this strategy may provide a quick resolution to conflicts in the short term, in reality, to me, it seems to deny children the opportunity to learn how to articulate their thoughts and share their viewpoints with the world. It squelches personal development. Over time, this lack of practice hinders their ability to engage effectively in discussion and debate.
My parents were unable to help give me the tools to speak up. They were more interested in my presenting a “good image” in my snazzy blazer and “staying out of trouble.” As a result, my parents were part of the silent majority of people who didn’t have their voice, so they couldn’t help encourage me to find—or, in my case, keep mine. A vicious cycle, indeed.
Furthermore, I find that cultural norms that emphasize respect for elders above all else sometimes discourage open dialogue. In these cultures, contradicting or questioning an elder’s viewpoint is often seen as disrespectful. Thus, younger family members learn to hold their tongues and keep their thoughts to themselves. This silence, born out of respect, likely inadvertently nurtures apprehension to express one’s opinion. As a result, we often find kids “zoning out” on their phones with video games and YouTube videos.
Of course, families can be wonderful—and the aim here isn’t to demonize families but to raise awareness of the potential consequences of these silencing practices. By recognizing these dynamics as a society, we can help reshape our familial values, encouraging open dialogue that nurtures our confidence levels so we can be more willing to speak up. With this shift, I believe we could make tremendous strides in giving future generations the gift to stand up and speak up frequently and confidently.
Educational values
Consider the frequent classroom scenario where students are ridiculed or criticized for not reciting something perfectly, almost like a robot. A misspoken word here, an incorrect pronunciation or perhaps an unconventional idea met with snickers from classmates or the side-eye of a judgmental, red-lining teacher.
Each instance of giving a report, like a tiny paper cut, may seem insignificant. However, compounded over time, I believe these traumatic experiences can prevent our self-esteem from taking root. Coupled with a culture of grading assignments—which often focuses more on errors than on efforts—I believe it inherently reinforces judgment and failure.
The current educational model emphasizes the “3 Rs”—Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. While there’s no denying their foundational importance, these subjects shouldn’t come at the expense of fostering effective communication skills. Many students are taught to dissect complex literary works, solve intricate mathematical problems and understand historical events. Yet, when it comes to expressing their thoughts, ideas and feelings, I find they too often find themselves at a loss for words. This lack of balance in what is deemed “important” in education inadvertently fuels, I believe, some of the silence that quietly permeates our society.
I think it’s high time we added a 4th “R” to this revered trio: Rhetoric. The art of effective speaking and active listening is a skill that holds immeasurable value in our increasingly interconnected world. By incorporating a 4th R into our educational system, I believe we can equip students with greater confidence to express themselves, the empathy to understand others and the courage to challenge the status quo.
Just imagine a classroom where students are tested on their ability to read, write and solve arithmetic problems and their capacity to communicate effectively. A place where a well-constructed argument or a thought-provoking question is valued as much as a correct mathematical solution. I believe this shift in focus could turn schools from breeding grounds of speech anxiety into nurseries of confident communicators, thus dismantling one significant pillar quietly holding back our silent society.
Workplace values
The silent tendrils of speech anxiety don’t cease their grasp at the boundaries of our educational institutions or family households. They reach further, extending into our professional lives as well. With office politics and a culture steeped in materialism and comparison, I believe the corporate world has a unique way of silencing voices, thus helping contribute to the staggering numbers of people who feel nervous when addressing large groups.
The unending jostle for power, recognition and promotion can create an environment where individuals are reluctant to speak up—I’ve seen it many times—lest they ruffle feathers or jeopardize their standing. As a result, employees may feel compelled to withhold ideas, opinions or concerns, contributing to the pervasive silence that characterizes many workplaces.
I’m reminded of a story a friend shared about a weeklong leadership seminar he attended in beautiful Central Oregon. “It was unbelievable,” he said, “Ten of us from the same company were in the workshop. Seven of us were quiet all week, but just three people did all the talking.” The three doing the talking were “bullies.” “Seven of us were already tentative about speaking up—public speaking was not our thing, but the bullies ran the seminar and we all wasted our time and corporate resources.” “Terry,” he said, “I thought of you all week and wondered what you would have done in this situation.”
Often, the same few voices dominate the “conversation” while the rest of the room remains silent, nodding along, irrespective of whether they even agree. It appears they believe it’s easier to get along by going along—just like we’ve been conditioned in our home and educational environments. Or someone doesn’t want to feel “dumb” and would rather just let the polished speaker take centre stage. It’s too bad—so much value left out of the exchange.
Or worse, when there’s a fundraiser, and we’re just expected to donate—even if it’s a cause that doesn’t align with our values. And, of course, politics is pretty much baked into everything. One doesn’t dare go against the prevailing organizational orthodoxy or risk being ostracized for sharing another viewpoint. It’s best to be “quiet” and “get along.” It’s easier… but is it?
I find the fear of being perceived as confrontational often mutes any dissent, so we self-censor and don’t end up sharing our viewpoints. Our conclusion too frequently: “I have bills to pay, am exhausted, and am not interested in ruffling feathers.” The workplace environment stifles communication and feeds into an apprehension of public speaking, reinforcing that speaking up is risky and should be avoided.
Societal values
In a never-ending game of Keeping Up with The Jones, Americans tend to value stuff and comparison shopping to a fault. Too often, I find colleagues and neighbours spending more time talking about their second home, their latest vacation resort or showing off their new Tesla—or wondering if I own a second home or fly first-class.
So, is it any wonder we feel pressure to maintain a “good image” to be good enough to fit in and be accepted?
Group acceptance pressure leads to self-censorship as individuals suppress their thoughts and feelings to fit into the group and attempt to maintain their “accepted” status. This squelching of one’s voice “to go along” isn’t without cost. It leads to increased communication and connection difficulties—a lost, unconnected, silent society.
With many of the family, education, workplace and societal values I’ve observed over the years, I believe a clear pattern emerges as we step back and survey the canvas of silence that quietly veils our society. The silent majority—a byproduct of family upbringing, educational experience, workplace and societal values—are partially victims of their conditioning.
This conditioning tends to prioritize conformity and maintaining a “good image” over individuality—and fear over freedom. I find this sad for a country known for its First Amendment rights and with everyone “connected” more than ever via smartphones.
I believe speech anxiety, whether moderate or severe, impacts pretty much every facet of life—personal relationships, academic success, job performance, mental health, self-esteem and societal progress. It stifles creativity, inhibits personal growth and hinders social change. The very fabric of our society is woven with threads of silence, making this not just an individual issue but a societal one.
Terry Beard is an entrepreneur and business leader who has built successful companies in retail and professional services, both online and in brick-and-mortar environments. Terry has proven value-add for partners, stakeholders and customers. He is keenly sensitive in interpersonal relationships and has dedicated years of service to my local community.
Most of us would rather die than be called upon to give a speech. The people who are frightened to stand up to speak suffer from a lack of self-confidence and a fear of being judged. Terry’s previous book, Squelched!, describes his journey over a lifetime of being told he wasn’t “good enough.” The lessons he learned may help you overcome feeling inferior, and as you gain self-confidence and self-acceptance, learn to feel secure in who you are.
Excerpted from the book We Owe each Other Two Minutes. Transform Your Life Through Public Speaking. ©2024 by Terry Beard. Printed with permission from www.fyvcommunications.com.
images: Depositphotos