{"id":18055,"date":"2025-07-28T23:05:21","date_gmt":"2025-07-28T23:05:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shop-cili.com\/?p=18055"},"modified":"2025-07-28T23:05:21","modified_gmt":"2025-07-28T23:05:21","slug":"a-deep-dive-into-why-autistic-people-mask-to-please-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shop-cili.com\/?p=18055","title":{"rendered":"A Deep Dive Into Why Autistic People “Mask” to Please Others"},"content":{"rendered":"


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The primary function of our masks is to fit in. There is no greater imperative for a kid growing up in school than to be accepted to some extent. Getting ahold of the right clothes, toys and vocabulary is an obvious way to fit in, but it goes a lot deeper than that. <\/p>\n

There are ridiculous rites of passage every other day on a playground\u2014with imperative stunts to pull off, people to bother or competitions to win\u2014to stay in the good graces of the right people. It was an exhausting trial by fire for no particular reason, and I could never figure out who was making up the rules anyway.<\/p>\n

One familiar autistic experience is rehearsing anticipated interactions. You aren\u2019t ever sure what scenarios are going to come up the next school day, but many of us would lie in bed going through the motions in our minds. We\u2019d try to guess what the day would look like, whom we\u2019d talk t and what would be expected of us. Of course, this was only after we\u2019d finished unpacking the day we just finished\u2014reviewing what worked, what didn\u2019t and what caught us off guard. <\/p>\n

While many kids do this, autistics do it to a pathological extent. We review our actions and words obsessively throughout our lives, always second-guessing whether we\u2019re coming across as \u201cnormal enough.\u201d <\/p>\n

Many autistics I\u2019ve talked to say that this constant review was one of the primary reasons they saw themselves as an \u201calien\u201d sent to Earth to study human behaviour or the subject of a scientific documentary being watched on another planet, through which the complex society of Earthlings was picked apart. The impression of \u201cotherness\u201d becomes deeply embedded at an early age and never leaves.<\/p>\n

I have a feeling that, for many people, the routine of going to school became familiar and OK. For me\u2014and many other autistic people I know\u2014it was always exhausting. I couldn\u2019t believe it was being asked of me day after day. I\u2019d panic if I thought about it too much, especially towards the beginning of the school year. And if it were one of those years when I had to take the school bus, my entire life was worse. <\/p>\n

Not once did I take the bus without being severely anxious. There were a whole different set of kids on the bus than there were at school, and they had different interests and senses of humour. Not only that, but I had to switch buses at a particular stop.<\/p>\n

Despite the fact that this was always done without complication, I was certain that the bus driver wouldn\u2019t remind kids going to my school to switch or tell us the right bus number. I\u2019d worry that the right bus wouldn\u2019t be there or that I\u2019d just miss it. Once on the bus, I had zero confidence that I was ever getting to school or seeing my family again.<\/p>\n

Naturally, I couldn\u2019t show anyone this lack of confidence. I couldn\u2019t tell people how panicked I felt. No one else was panicked. They were even having fun! It was unimaginable to me that they could lay their worries down and just passively sit there, not keeping track of the passing landmarks and calculating probable outcomes. <\/p>\n

They carelessly caused a ruckus, pushing the driver\u2019s buttons until he was yelling at us\u2014another unthinkable act in my mind. Through all of it, I knew I was fully expected to follow this routine: from the bus, to class, to recess, to class and back to the bus. It was an endless ordeal of trying to hide my discomfort.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s really the root of the mask\u2014covering up discomfort. But the longer you wear it for that purpose, the harder it is to take off.<\/p>\n

The drive to please others everywhere<\/h2>\n
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