{"id":18031,"date":"2025-06-11T23:27:28","date_gmt":"2025-06-11T23:27:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shop-cili.com\/?p=18031"},"modified":"2025-06-11T23:27:28","modified_gmt":"2025-06-11T23:27:28","slug":"5-great-ways-to-improve-your-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shop-cili.com\/?p=18031","title":{"rendered":"5 Great Ways to Improve Your Skills"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

\n

Yes, I haven\u2019t birthed a child. But does that make me less of a parent?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve asked myself this question many times\u2014not out of insecurity, but out of deep reflection. Parenting, as I\u2019ve experienced it, goes far beyond biology. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve parented my nieces and nephews. I\u2019ve parented my siblings\u2014being the eldest meant I was the third parent by default. I\u2019ve parented hundreds of students over more than a decade of teaching. I\u2019ve even parented parents in many ways\u2014counselling them when their child\u2019s behaviour made them pause and ask, \u201cWhere are we going wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I began to wonder: Who teaches parenting to parents?<\/em> Where do they learn how to raise a human being? Who do they have to look up to?<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t a question about one generation or one household. It\u2019s a generational wound\u2014passed down in silence, assumptions and well-intentioned but outdated methods. We look up to our parents for guidance on raising children, but if we\u2019re honest, most of us also carry a mental checklist of what not to repeat. We want to improve on what we received, give more, love better. <\/p>\n

But in doing so, are we turning parenting into a silent competition\u2014I\u2019ll do better than my parents did<\/em>\u2014and in that race, are we spoiling our kids without truly meeting their emotional needs?<\/p>\n

The changing landscape of parenting<\/h2>\n
\n

Let\u2019s pause and think: If we\u2019re taking parenting cues from our parents, are we also considering the world around us\u2014the one we grew up in versus the one our children are growing up in? The societal landscape has shifted. Fast.<\/p>\n

When our parents raised us, discipline was synonymous with obedience, and love often went unspoken. Today, children are exposed to information overload, emotional complexity and social pressure at levels never seen before.<\/p>\n

Yet, many parents continue to use the same rulebook that was used on them\u2014reward and punishment, shame and comparison, silence and sacrifice. Only now, these rules aren\u2019t just outdated; they\u2019re damaging. Emotional intelligence wasn\u2019t even a term back then, but today, it\u2019s the foundation of raising balanced human beings.<\/p>\n

As a teacher, whenever I conducted parent-teacher meetings to discuss a child\u2019s behavioural or emotional concerns, the conversation often took a surprising turn. More often than not, I ended up counselling the parent<\/em>. The child wasn\u2019t the issue. The misunderstanding was. The pressure was. The projection was.<\/p>\n

And this brings me back to the original question: Who teaches parenting to parents?<\/em><\/p>\n

The untrained parent<\/h2>\n
\n

The harsh truth? Most parents are untrained. They parent on autopilot\u2014replicating what they saw growing up, improvising on the go, sometimes Googling solutions and often drowning in guilt.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no onboarding for this role. You become a parent and are expected to just know how to do it\u2014intuitively, responsibly, lovingly, wisely. But love alone doesn\u2019t teach parenting. It fuels it, yes, but it doesn\u2019t equip you with the tools to handle tantrums, emotional shutdowns, sibling rivalry, anxiety or even the silent cries for help children express with their behaviour.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s be honest\u2014would we accept this lack of training in any other role?<\/p>\n

A teacher trains. A doctor trains. Even a driver trains. But a parent\u2014the most life-impacting role\u2014does not.<\/p>\n

The emotional gap<\/h2>\n
\n

In my experience, the root issue lies in emotional disconnect. Many parents confuse providing for their child with being present<\/em> for their child. The race to be the best parent has created a warped version of love\u2014one that overcompensates with material things but underdelivers on emotional attunement.<\/p>\n

We think giving everything\u2014from iPads to international vacations\u2014is parenting. But children don\u2019t remember what we gave them. They remember how we made them feel<\/em>. Did we see them? Did we hear them? Did we truly know them?<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, many parents today are projecting their unhealed wounds, their unmet dreams and societal pressures onto their children. They want their kids to succeed, but often forget to ask what success even means<\/em> to the child.<\/p>\n

The way forward: 5 potential solutions<\/h2>\n
\n
\n