{"id":17895,"date":"2024-07-10T23:13:19","date_gmt":"2024-07-10T23:13:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shop-cili.com\/?p=17895"},"modified":"2024-07-10T23:13:19","modified_gmt":"2024-07-10T23:13:19","slug":"let-go-of-the-spotlight-effect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shop-cili.com\/?p=17895","title":{"rendered":"Let Go of the Spotlight Effect"},"content":{"rendered":"


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The spotlight effect is the illusion we have when we think people are noticing us, but they\u2019re not. It\u2019s a very common psychological phenomenon. For example, you may stumble over your words in a conversation and instantly think, \u201cOh no\u2014now everyone must think I\u2019m a total loser,\u201d when, in fact, they probably didn\u2019t notice at all, or if they did notice, they didn\u2019t think much about it one way or the other.<\/p>\n

Mostly because they\u2019re way too busy being burdened by their own spotlight effect.<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re super self-conscious, the simple act of \u201cputting yourself out there\u201d can be absolutely excruciating. Sometimes, your self-consciousness can be so consuming that it affects your entire perception of reality.<\/p>\n

One time, I travelled to Arizona to deliver a corporate keynote. My driver from the airport was pretty quiet, and I was tired from the flight, so we didn\u2019t talk much on our way to the hotel. Now, the hotel I was staying at is known for hiring very young, very enthusiastic people to work the front desk. <\/p>\n

This is a smart move on the hotel\u2019s part, because it means they are giving younger people an opportunity to learn the hospitality business, thus cultivating future leaders, but it\u2019s a starter job, so they don\u2019t have to pay these young folks much, and they get the benefit of giving their brand a fun, wholesome vibe. And I must say, feeling truly welcomed by a jovial hotel staff makes business travel (slightly) more tolerable.<\/p>\n

As we pulled up at the entrance to the hotel, the driver and I both got out of the car to get my luggage out of the trunk. I saw for the first time that he was well over six feet tall and weighed maybe 400 pounds. One of the exuberant young people from the hotel came out to welcome us and help with the bag, and he shouted out, \u201cHey! Fat Man!\u201d<\/p>\n

Fat Man or Batman? <\/h2>\n
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My head snapped up just in time to see the driver stop dead in his tracks. He pivoted, turned to the kid, and in a low, ominous voice said, \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n

The kid bounced up towards the car like a 20-something Tigger. \u201cI said, \u2018Hey, Batman!\u2019 Because of your T-shirt! That\u2019s an awesome T-shirt!\u201d<\/p>\n

Indeed, the driver was wearing a Batman T-shirt.<\/p>\n

He looked down at his sizable chest. \u201cOh. Yeah. Batman.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tigger started chatting about some Batman trivia with the driver, and I scuttled into the hotel lobby, leaving the two of them, my heart slightly broken by the face of the driver, who\u2019d thought he was being so casually insulted, and slightly healed by the innocent charm of Tigger.<\/p>\n

How often have you heard an insult when there wasn\u2019t one?<\/p>\n

How often have you felt slighted when no slight was intended?<\/p>\n

How often have you assumed that someone else\u2019s behaviour was directed at you, when it wasn\u2019t?<\/p>\n

What pain have those imagined offenses caused you?<\/p>\n

Stop firing yourself<\/h2>\n
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